Loving is not owning
by jteam6920
Summary: Sameen Shaw has lost the woman she loved. But she has a plan: 1) Kill Samaritan and its minions. 2) Leaving a world where she has nothing to live for.


Sameen Shaw has lost the woman she loved.

But she has a plan:

1) Kill Samaritan and its minions.

2) Leaving a world where she has nothing to live for.

In the subway hideout, Shaw was sitting on the bench, staring at the void.

Slowly, Reese approached her and asked: "Wanna talk about it?"

She snapped "About what?"

"About … her, of course … if you are ready, I mean … "

"Okay, this is what I have to say about her: no more kneecapping by me, understood? Every fucking Samaritan operative in my crosshair is dead meat, from now on!"

Reese had never seen her so upset "Shaw … this is not how we do things … "

"Great! How do we do things, then? Maybe t-boning a vehicle and leaving the people inside burn, like you did when Carter died? She told you, don't let this change you, huh? Yet you killed them!" She was enraged now, her face red.

Reese was astonished "God, I didn't think she was so important to you … so sorry."

"Yes, I bet you thought my sociopathy could protect me, right? Make me grieve less than other people do?"

"Admittedly, yes."

"Of course; and you know the irony of fate? The opposite is true!" She was calmer now, she knew Reese was not the enemy.

"What do you mean?"

Shaw sighed "I imagine that, after losing your first girlfriend, Jessica, you felt lost, is that right? And maybe you thought nobody could replace her in your heart?"

Reese slowly nodded; he was beginning to understand.

"But that wasn't true, Reese. You found Carter after her, then that shrink, then who knows how many you will meet if you are lucky enough to make it out of this A.I. crappy war."

Reese nodded again; he knew what she was about to say; and she did say exactly that, with a voice tinged with desperation "But for me, there will not be a next one, ever!"

"You cannot be sure, Shaw!"

She shook her head; her voice was softer now "A miracle happened, John. I, a sociopath, had the unbelievable luck to meet the only person on this Earth that understood me completely, and never, never asked me more than I could give her. She loved me so much, but not once she really asked me something in return. And then another miracle happened: I fell in love too; I tried to deny it, but it sounded more and more hollow." She sighed again "We had a week of happiness, after my escape; even if I was broken, damaged; but I felt safe with her, protected; and I managed to tell her the three words just two hours before you called, saying that Harold's number was up … she was so happy … "

"God, I … "

"Please, let me go on … she was the only person connecting me to the world; I was alive with her; and I realized that I was dead before, only I didn't know. And now I am dead again, and this time I know. And I know there is no coming back!"

"And you think that killing people will make you feel any better?"

"The thing is, I don't give a damn about that; I don't want to feel better. I want to burn Samaritan to ashes. Painfully. Send all of them to the Hell, where they belong!"

"Okay. And after that? What will you do?"

"I should say, I will kill myself, but that wouldn't be accurate; better said, I will kill the empty shell I have become."

"You can't be serious!"

"Listen, let's stop talking about this; we must reorganize ourselves to fight Samaritan, now; you are welcome to believe that time will make me change my mind; I know it won't happen."

The Machine, with Root's voice, allowed them to win. Control was dead, but the remnants of the ISA and other agencies were made aware of the evil aims of the new A.I.. The war lasted three months, and Shaw killed over two hundred enemies; every single operative wearing a gun met his fate when he had the bad luck to cross Shaw's path; some suffered more than others, but nothing compared to what happened to Jeff Blackwell.

The man who had killed Root was bound to a chair in a dark, abandoned basement. He knew who she was, and was frightened; rightly so, she thought.

Shaw was looking at a photo of a woman on his phone; she held it for him to see, and asked: "Your girlfriend, Blackwell?"

He nodded.

Shaw scoffed "Not a beauty queen, huh? … _my_ girlfriend was a beauty queen", and saying that, she showed him Root's photo, "but you have already seen her, haven't you? Through your crosshair, nonetheless."

Blackwell was holding his breath now. Shaw went on "You killed her, you lousy piece of crap, and you pay the price … within three hours, you will be dead; but they will be three hours only for me … for you, they will last forever!"

Three hours after Shaw left the basement and thirty-two pieces of human tissues that had used to be, when they were together, the human body of Jeff Blackwell. His eyes were on the floor, his mouth didn't contain his tongue anymore, but as compensation there was his penis; his limbs were scattered everywhere, and the same could be said of his guts.

Three days after they tracked Greer, hidden in a forlorn building.

Shaw shot him between his eyes, then looked at John and Harold. The former was horrified, the latter had a cruel smile and said, in a cold voice: "Nicely done, Miss Shaw!"

Another week passed, and there were no more operatives to go after, it seemed, so Shaw decided it was time to fade away. She went to the subway hideout for a last salute.

Finch was at the hospital, healing from a gunshot wound, and she found Reese.

"You okay, Shaw?"

"Well, my homework is finished, I am on vacation now."

A suspicious stare "What do you mean?"

"I have not changed my mind, that's what I mean!"

"She didn't want this for you, that's for sure."

Shaw sighed "I am nothing without her, Reese, I can see that now, so taking my own life is actually no big deal."

"You are not the only one missing her; she grew on me in a way I could have never thought possible; but life must go on."

"People have lives, Reese; I am an empty shell; but I have already told you that."

Reese then took a cardboard box out of a closet and gave it to her.

"What's this?"

"There is a cinerary urn inside."

Shaw opened her eyes wide, then asked with a faint voice: "Is it her?"

"Yes; keep it, maybe it will help you decide for the best."

It took some moments for her to find a normal voice again, then she spoke: "She did some very bad things; but so did I; and so did you. Agree?" Reese nodded.

"But I grew in a normal family, I had my fair share of happiness, and so had you." Reese nodded again.

"But she didn't. She had no father, an ailing mother, only one friend that was taken away from her; and a bunch of adults that betrayed her: the bastard who killed her friend and those who didn't listen to her."

She stopped some seconds to breathe "She became a monster, then she met the Machine and some people and a dog she cared for; and she died a hero, fighting the good battle, taking a bullet for Finch, whom she considered her father … and, you know what? She knew she was going to die, sooner or later, yet she was content … 'I have been hiding since I was twelve,' she told me 'and this is the first time I feel like I belong' … and I waited until her last day to tell her that I loved her! I could have given her days of happiness, but it was only a few hours!"

"Jesus, do you feel guilty? Is this the reason you want to die?"

"Well, give me one reason to live instead!" Then she left with the urn.

She entered her hotel room in the evening, thinking that this time of the day is as good as any other when you want to leave this crappy world.

So she put the urn on a table, sit down and took a small box out of her pocket: lethal poison, of course.

"Root, I'm coming" she whispered.

Then her phone rang. And she heard a voice; Root's voice; her voice and the Machine's were the same, but not for Shaw; not a chance she could mistake the voice of a robot for that of the woman she loved.

So, she didn't gulp those pills; not yet, anyway, and listened.

"Sweetie, what you are hearing now was recorded just after you told me that you loved me; you will remember I asked to go out to get some takeout; I am speaking as I walk.

There is something ominous on the horizon, and She says I could not make it.

And She was right, of course; you wouldn't be listening to this, otherwise.

My message for you is: Kate Taylor, Boulder, Colorado. Please, find her; if you love me as you said, do this for me.

When the time comes, She will give you another message from me." And that was all.

Shaw groaned "What the hell? Root, wait … " She realized immediately that Root couldn't answer. After a minute, she put the pill box away: she couldn't say no to Root, never.

After saying goodbye to the rest of the team, Bear included, Shaw left for Boulder.

There, she rented a small house, then asked the Machine information about the woman she had to find. Said information came as texted messages: she didn't want to hear Her voice yet; it was too painful.

"Kate Taylor, 34, only child, parents perished in a plane crash 21 years ago, unmarried, lesbian. Detective of the local police, highly skilled and respected; will take part in a hike to nearby mountains Saturday; time of departure: 8.00 a.m., from the parking lot 'Centennial Trailhead', Sunshine Canyon Dr. I have already booked for another hiker: Sameen Jones."

"Ok; do you suspect she is Samaritan?"

"Further information unclear."

"Okay, I'll try to find out, then."

There were eight hikers in that group, and Shaw immediately liked Kate: a strong woman, beautiful, long blond hair, blue eyes, long legs, a smile that reminded a ray of sunshine … like … God, she was on a mission, she had no time to get distracted by those idiocies.

She approached her, keeping pace with her easily, and introduced herself: "Hello, I am Sameen Jones, I am new here!"

They shook hands "Kate Taylor; where are you from, Sameen?" Again that radiant smile.

"Uh, New York; I've made some money and was tired of the big city, so here I am. For a month, I think."

"And what do you do for a living in the Big Apple?"

"I am a doctor."

"Interesting; I am a detective."

"Cool!"

They chatted amiably for the rest of the trip, and it was surprisingly pleasant; Sameen really liked this woman, and sincerely hoped she was not an enemy.

Back at the parking lot, five hours later, Sameen told her: "listen, I am not this direct usually, but I have enjoyed your company, a lot. Maybe we could meet again, do you mind if I give you my address?"

"Yes, I would like that too."

"You can come with your boyfriend, of course … or husband?"

"To be honest, Sameen, I never liked boys … "

"Oh … girlfriend, then … "

Kate smirked, staring at Shaw's breasts "I have none currently … I guess I have not found my type yet … " Jesus, Kate was the teasing kind of woman, just like … damned! But two can play the game.

"Ah … right, we can arrange for tomorrow, you could pick me up and go have dinner to some nice place; don't worry, I pay for both."

"Why, Sameen, you don't waste your time; are you into girls too?"

"Well, maybe … you are a detective, do some research."

Kate chuckled, exactly like … _she_ did. ' _God, I really, really like this woman. What do I do if she is the perpetrator?'_

Shaw texted to the Machine: "I could get more information, and sooner, if I let her seduce me."

"Do it, then."

"I don't know. It feels like I am betraying Root."

"An intimate relationship is essential for this mission."

The Machine had absorbed Root's personality, not only her voice; if She said okay, it meant that Root would have agreed too. So Shaw complied.

Of course, they ended in bed, in Shaw's apartment, and it was nothing short of amazing. This woman liked rough sex, but not too rough, and cuddling after the orgasm; her breasts were relatively small, like hers, she smelled like her, her voice was alike too.

They went on two hours, then decided they were too tired and stopped, and Kate asked: "Do you want me to go?"

Shaw thought it over, then answered: "No; stay, please."

"Hmm … this is a big one, coming from you … "

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you are not exactly a normal kind of person, are you? Psychologically, I mean … "

Shaw was dumbfounded "How … how do you know that?"

"I am a detective, remember? And I am very good at what I do; I could play a shrink if I wanted to, probably."

"And … what is your diagnosis?"

"I'd say some personality disorder; I can't name it, but you have probably problems with feelings, and connecting with other people; but you are also intelligent, and good at hiding that … but I am good too … "

"And aren't you bothered by that? Do you think I should change?"

"No, of course, why should I? I like you as you are, even if we met only yesterday and I can't say I know you, yet … "

' _Jesus, it can't be … is this a coincidence? This woman is like her, what do I do now?'_

"Thinking it over, probably you should go."

"Oh!" Kate was plainly disappointed "I messed up, huh? A pity, I never liked someone so much … but if you want me away … "

' _No, I don't, but I am not thinking straight right now.'_

"Sorry, Kate, I like you too, but … please go … we'll see again, I promise."

"Okay, bye, sweetie!"

' _Jesus!'_

When Kate was gone, Shaw picked her phone and asked: "Is this a coincidence, Robo-Root?"

"Sorry, Sameen, I cannot answer that, not yet. But Root wanted you two in a relationship; it was essential to her … to the woman you loved!"

"How?"

"Root didn't want me to tell you, you'll have to wait some days for an answer."

"Some days? I am falling for that woman, how can I leave her later?"

"this is going to end well, Sameen, you have my word … and hers."

Shaw sighed "Okay … I was never able to say no to that impossible woman; I'll do what you want … what you and Root want."

"Good, Sameen, you won't regret it."

"I hope so."

They couldn't stay away from each other, so they were meeting on a almost daily basis, and nightly too, of course; sometimes at Shaw's place, sometimes at Kate's; and they slept together till the morning.

It was the eighth day of their relationship, and Shaw was jogging very early in the morning. Kate had had some work to finish at the police station until late, so they hadn't met this time. Suddenly her phone buzzed: "She is in danger … two minutes from here … three thugs attacking her."

Shaw paled ' _I cannot lose her too'_ , she thought, and sprinted where the Machine-Root led her. Kate was lying on a sidewalk, her nose bleeding, and three morons were threatening her with some rods and chains.

Shaw was unarmed, but it took her nine seconds to leave them unconscious on the ground.

Kate was staring at her, awe in her eyes "You are not really a doctor, are you?"

They were in Shaw's place; she was taking care of Kate's nose, but there was no serious damage "An ice pack will do."

"Thanks, Sameen; to tell the truth, they took me by surprise, but I had the situation under control." She was not boasting at all, that was sure. If Sameen had reached them one minute later, probably she would have found Kate standing and the three jerks groaning on the ground.

"But you have not answered my question yet: are you a doctor, or someone else?"

Shaw didn't answer.

"Listen, I want to make it right with you; I am in love with you, you know, and you are what I always wanted in my companion, my soulmate … " Shaw freezed.

"But, as I already told you, I love you like you are, and I wouldn't change anything of you; and if you cannot love me back the same way, it doesn't matter … "

"I … I don't know … "

"You don't have to answer now; just promise me you will think it over … I'll wait, Sameen, you are too important to me."

"Listen, it's pretty obvious that I like you too, but love is … complicated for me."

"I'll be content with what anything you can give me. Besides, I am not so sure you cannot love someone … I think you loved her."

"What … what are you talking about?"

"Please, don't be mad with me … I cannot help observing and deducing … professional bias, I guess."

"What have you … deduced?"

"You cared about a woman, that is now dead; her name is Ruth, or something like that … is this right?"

"God … how … ?"

"I saw the urn; it's well hidden, I noticed it only when going to the bathroom … and when you were half-asleep, you mumbled her name … "

The urn; Shaw knew she shouldn't have carried it there.

They stayed silent for a while, then Kate's phone buzzed, and she took it, only to hear the Machine-Root's voice: "Kate, can you please put your phone on the table?"

She frowned, but complied; the voice went on: "Sameen, it's time to tell Kate everything."

"What do you mean, everything?!"

"Everything, about me, Samaritan, Root, and all the rest. She will learn anyway, because if you don't, I will tell her … but it would be better if it is you."

Shaw sighed "Okay, then … "

Kate was stunned "Is … is she your girlfriend?"

"Yes, and no; I mean, this is my girlfriend's voice, but it not her speaking: it's a machine …"

So Shaw told Kate everything, and it took three hours; when she had finished, Kate was dubious, but the Machine-Root provided abundant evidence, answering a lot of questions she had asked, that only such a system could.

"Well, it's a lot to assimilate … I think I'll call sick today … Would be hard to focus … "

"Sure; but there is something even I don't know: why am I here? Why are you and Root so alike? Can you give me an answer, Robo-Root?"

"I could, Sameen, but I think it's better if I let her explain everything."

Suddenly, the tv was turned on, and Root appeared onscreen; Shaw gasped: God, she was beautiful; and her smile ...

"Hi there, Sameen, and Kate. I can tell you now why you are here, listening to me.

"This is the last part of a plan, whose purpose is to make you happy; by you, I mean both, of course, but I must admit that Sameen is the one I care more about.

"Obviously, if you are hearing this, it means that I haven't made it; I knew it could happen, and I have accepted this possibility long ago.

"But I was afraid for you, Sameen; you keep saying I am the only one you could ever love, or who could ever love you.

"This is not true. I asked the Machine to choose someone who could be perfect for you, and She found Kate: a person who is intelligent, strong, funny, beautiful, and above all who doesn't shy away from a woman like you, or try to change you, or want you to love her the same way she loves you.

"I said that we were perfect for each other, and that is true; but I am sure this can be said for you two, too.

"I know this will upset you, and I can figure you saying 'Robot playing Cupid now?' 'Are we starting a marriage agency?'. Maybe you will despise, or hate me for doing this to you … but the truth is, Sameen, that what matters the most to me is that you are happy.

"Because, sweetie, to love someone doesn't mean that you have to own this person, but that you want his or her happiness.

"And Kate, be careful, Sameen can be quite dangerous if you give her a reason to be … try to deserve her.

"That's all, I think. Thank you again, Sameen, the time we have spent together is the most precious gem … good bye!"

The two women were astonished; Shaw had teary eyes, but Kate was silently weeping, then said: "God in Heaven, she was a wonderful person … "

"What? I … I don't know, she played us … "

"Really? She was willing to be hated by you, only to make sure you are happy? This is the purest form of love I have ever seen, Sameen … I don't know if I can possibly compare with her … "

Shaw knew that hating Root for making her meet Kate was senseless; she was happy now; since their first night together, she had completely forgotten any desire to kill herself … then Kate interrupted her thoughts "You are still in love with her, aren't you?"

Shaw sighed "I think I will always be."

"And … is this a problem for … us?"

Shaw chuckled "She wasn't jealous; are you?"

"No, of course not!"

"Okay then, this is the deal: she wanted my happiness, but my happiness happens to be you, so … we are stuck together, apparently. But I will never forget her, and you will respect that … okay?"

Kate was grinning "Okay, deal!"

"See? That impossible woman … she always made me do everything she wanted me to … when she was alive … and even now that she's gone … " She didn't finish the sentence, having a lump in her throat.

Then Kate hugged her, saying: "Don't worry, darling, I don't want to take her place in your heart; it would be an impossible challenge; but I am sure your heart is big enough, and there is a little corner for me too."

"Of course there is: match-making Machine can be never wrong!"


End file.
